A client has recently experienced a couple of disappointments that have caused her to think perhaps life is getting in the way of her plans/desires again. I know the feeling all too well. I'm sure you may have experienced these feelings at times too.
Sharing our gifts, living our passions, doing what we know we do best is something we all desire; living who we feel we really are. Interesting how we get ourselves into situations all too often in our lives which don't allow us to be who we really are, as though we've cut ourselves off from the parts of ourselves we like best, withhold ourselves from those parts. Maybe its because we don't feel them as being real, or as real as our daily dutified life has come to be, the one we do allow ourselves to live in, but don't like. The one with the duties, obligations, what we think of as normal life. "Oh this must be the one that's real", so the "real" one comes to be all that we don't like, our default position then becomes," my reality is one I don't like but must endure."
I recognize that I'm steeped in this at times, but there must be a way out of it, and I intend to find it, even if that's simply more shifting of perception, and not the exact outer change that I think it should be. I know something will change in my outer circumstances as I continue to shift and grow, so I need to open to whatever that change is, instead of outlining it so closely, and so allow this continued change of perception and evolution of my mind and heart.
Ah, how much easier it is to feel this while there is silence and peace around me. I wonder if the cacophony around me is in my environment because it reflects me on an inner level, places inside in which I'm crying and screaming. Places I need to clear, those places where I'm still in resistance, the places where I haven't forgiven myself, the places where I'm retelling the past.
Today, I intend to create a different story than yesterday, one in which I'm not Cinderella. Granted, I'm not a princess either. So I guess I'll have an adventure today and discover what is in-between. I feel much of the time like Cinderella, ousted from her privileged life when her father and mother died. For a long time I've wanted to return to my former privileged princess life; now let's find out what is going to happen in the new version I'm writing. I'm betting it has nothing to do with glass slippers and a handsome prince. Could be something better in this new modern version, though I kinda am still partial to the old ending, oh well....I'll keep on writing.